The Oxymoron of ‘Spring and Summer’ in Alberta

An article I wrote for our church's in-house magazine...

I’ve lived in Alberta for over forty years.  And there are some things I’ve learned about myself and the weather. Seasons are relative and not absolute.

I am never prepared enough for the weather…forecasts notwithstanding.

As spring approaches in Alberta, (albeit almost six weeks after its official start on March 21) and we anticipate summer in all its glory (those three days in late July where the thermometer will top 25C), here are some survival techniques to avoid the seasonal fluster.

Gardening Gambols – I am a self-admitted brown (if not black) thumb and have the capability to kill anything green in less than a week, but my husband is a gardener extraordinaire.  So I’ve picked up a couple of things from him...

1. No bedding out plants until June 1. This used to be the May long weekend, but global warming or the new ice age have messed up the weather patterns. Lovely pansies, lobelia and marigolds embedded prior to June have been shredded by hail, frozen by late frost or flooded out by a misplaced torrential April ‘shower’.  This may all still happen after June 1 but your chances are approximately 5% lower.

2.Tomatoes are to be raised in containers only. My grandfather produced half pound beefsteaks from seed in the ground in April to vine breakers at the end of September, but he lived in Winnipeg. In Alberta you have to start the blighters inside until the requisite June outside date and then bring the stunted green globes into furnace-warmed abodes to ripen in pale glow through the window after September 1…maybe September 2 in a year. 

3. Root vegetables are the only assured chance of gardening success. Hardy carrots, speedy sprouting radishes and tough turnips can germinate in the May climes and survive nestled in rich soil while the elements turmoil above. Even a touch of frost can enhance the flavour of a beastly beet.  But get ‘em out of the ground before the hard frost in mid-September.

Camping Carousals – Our family spent ten summers camping for our annual holidays…and don’t tell me that a lovely 30ft RV or anything else with a solid roof and a heater is camping. Tenting is the only real camping. Albeit, we had every gadget known to mankind to luxuriate the outdoor experience (and packed it in a station wagon and a 4x8 utility trailer to haul it), we still had only a thin piece of nylon between us and the elements. And face it, as parents, when camping, you still do everything that you do at home but with less convenience. A better view perhaps, but living like our pioneer ancestors. No one should ever have to work that hard in a world with remote controls and iPads. Here are some helpful tools to remind you that you’re still in the 21^st century.

1. A sturdy hammer. Handy for breaking the ice on the frozen water supply in the mornings. Have you ever camped in Alberta on the May long weekend? The nights are cold, baby.

2. Clothing for the four seasons…especially if you’re heading to the mountains. Long underwear is essential. Several layers from flimsy tank to t-shirt, sweater, fleece and down-filled coat are also required. In a full twenty-four hours in the Rockies you can experience burning intensity of 30C gamma rays and hail and torrential downpours and slurries and snow and cyclonic air currents. Truthfully it can all happen in a half hour.

3. A map to British Columbia. Hey, I’m happy to call Alberta home but the sad, glorious truth is the other side of the mountain is greener…all year round, in February no less, when, in Alberta, spring is still only a small green glimmer of hope. And the nights are warmer (without six blankets) and the lakes (and they have ones that aren’t man-made) are less glacial and more bathtub-like. This is really no secret. In any campground in BC, on any given long weekend in the summer, the majority of license plates are from Alberta.

Summer Sprees – Every loves to plan festivities in the summer…family reunions, BBQs, weddings, block parties…especially in the wide open spaces. But you may want to consider the following issues to ensure you celebration’s success.

1. Weekday events only. Everyone knows that if you have plans on a weekend in the summer, you’re likely to have some natural disaster come along to interrupt the occasion. Usually during the feeding hour. You can be assured that if it’s 30C and sunny on Friday, Saturday and Sunday will be a sodden, cold mess.  If you must plan for a weekend, then expect a sudden clouding over, ominous thundering and some type of precipitation. Sufficient shelter of a suitable size to cover the gathering is a necessity.

2. Shelter the BBQ. If you ever want anything hot off the coals, then put up, over and around your BBQ, a tarp, a windbreak, a gazebo or better yet, all three. A man’s got do what a man’s gotta do to get his grill on.

3. Please note the exception to the above: During the ten and a half days when my city celebrates the Calgary Stampede, no rules apply. The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth will take place in disregard to any weather status. Come sleet, snow, rain or hail…and apparently flooding…all events are a go! So provide plastic everything, nail down the condiments and the styro dishes, have shovel and rubber boots handy, and above all get a cover for the Stetson! Yeehaw!

Despite my maligning of the volatility of the environment, I love living in Alberta. And in spite of our love of constantly complaining over it, Albertans are the most caring, friendly and compassionate people I know. I have traveled the world, set foot on six out of seven continents and my own back yard is my favourite place on earth, especially in the summer. Never have I been in a place that could entice me to leave the wide open spaces of the prairies, the majesty of the Rockies, and the vibrant community of the home I love.

Enjoy the seasons, Albertans, whatever they may bring!