Seriously...???

I have had a lousy couple of weeks....aside from getting my nails done and they are a really pretty sparkly pink(that's called self-care) ...and it's not promising to get any better....

I don't really stress. I don't internalize crap. In fact, I do the opposite. I talk about what's bugging me...usually with anybody who is willing to listen...and then I write about it, especially about the things that frustrate me.

Oh sure there are the little things...like how my husband leaves the television on in every room he walks into that has one....once all three of them were on in the house and he was in the garage watching one there...like how my son walks into the house and leaves a path of his stuff as he passes through...backpack at the door, coat on the couch, hat on the chair, shoes at the patio door...those things don't even faze me anymore. I notice them and shake my head...but no stress. I do things that tick them off too...it's about living with those you love and putting up with it.

There are things at work that get me a little more worked up...the ineptitude of people, not being informed, feeling less than prepared for whatever at no fault of my own.

But what really gets my goat and makes me cry in frustration is when people with responsibility, and significant responsibility...especially in the support of people in their care...that drop the ball, sluff work off on others, fail to plan or communicate....and then when you take initiative and forge ahead have the gall to call your efforts insubordination.

Seriously???.....I'm gonna get 'er done, and you can just sit in the back seat and watch like you usually do, bucko....cause you haven't earned the right to tell me otherwise.

Urrrrrgggggghhhhh.....

I wish I could say all that in real life....

Sweet possiblities

Hope is a fragile delicate thing, but so precious and lovely we want to hold onto it with both hands...

I love the beginning of new adventures and all the what ifs, and maybes, and dreams....and hope...oh the sweet hope of ...something better, something right, something repeated, something precious....

“Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working.” Sigmund Freud

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” -Oscar Wilde

“Hope is the dream of a soul awake.” Aristotle

“Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.” George Iles

“Those who wish to sing always find a song.” Swedish Proverb

“Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all.” Emily Dickinson

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.” Anne Lamott

"A leader is a dealer in hope." Napoleon Bonaparte

Ah, to live the adventure...to reach out to that fragile bubble of hope with both hands and believe you can hold it forever...

You can...

They call me KD...

Yes, I am named after a box of cheap, pseudo-cheesy noodles...it kinda of makes sense if you know me at all...but it is the most beloved name to me...

For the past 11 years I have spent at least one week, usually two weeks, and a couple of times even three weeks each summer at a lovely spot in the Waiparous Valley called Camp Chamisall...no it is not named after a piece of women's lingerie but an acronym for Christian and Missionary Alliance (CH-A-MISS-ALL). And it is my favourite place on earth outside of my own backyard. Why you ask? Because God is visibly and tangibly at work there...and I get to be a spectator and a sometimes contributor.

This place rejuvenates me and exhausts me like no other place on earth...if home is where God fills me, then camp is where He empties me. And it is a joyous exhaustion.

I am now 49 years old and I spend the majority of my time with young people who are some 25-35 years younger than I but it is for a week in this magical place that I feel most effective in their lives. Here I live with them 24/7 for 6 days and God makes miracles happen.

I just spent this past week with ten lovely young women in a cabin in the woods...we played hard physical games (or at least they did and I was their cheerleader), ate a lot of food that could not in the slightest way be called diet and the majority would not be healthy (but oh, it tastes so good), danced to 80s music, sang ourselves hoarse in worship and we talked...oh, we talked so much, about such important things, about funny things, about heart piercing things. Would you like a list??

Sex - the who, the what, the where, the how....and God's plan for it
Parents - the secrets they didn't know
The role of men and women in marriage
The role of men and women in the church
Roller coasters
Demons and spiritual warfare
Families and their brokeness
Divorce
The masks we wear
The 1980s
Forgiveness and if its possible
What we need most from God
How to please and trust God
Movies and TV shows
Our wide paths and the narrow ones we'd like to be on
The Life of Pi, other religions and the apologetics of our faith
End times, Revelations and what heaven will be like
The impossibility of getting the milk/cereal ratio just right
Evolution and creation science
Boys/men/husbands
Being an Elijah
How our only hope to survive our lives is Jesus...

We laughed until our sides hurt....we cried our eyes red...we felt helpless in the pain of our suffering...we felt joy in the hope of heaven...and we loved, so much it was almost painful....we left there knowing no problems in our lives were solved but we felt more ready to take them on.

This place is a cocoon of love and trust and a place that is utterly safe to fall apart in. And then we are put back together in a new way, somehow more complete and able.

There is no other place I would rather give a week of my life to....

Coming soon to an Autumn near you...

It's almost my favourite time of year....

In spring, (such as we have in this country), I long for the long sunshiny days of summer, (such as we get in this country). I do love the sun and lazy times where I don't have to get up and go anywhere or do anything I don't feel like...( well, there's my job, but I don't count that).

And while I've had busy times this summer...a mission trip to Belarus, a couple of weeks volunteering at camp....there is really no routine, no must do's...

In the two and a half weeks between the mission trip and camp I watched no less than 22 movies and read 8 books...over 400 pages each!! And mostly by myself.

You see I pour out a lot of myself during the course of a year...through family, ministry, work...and I hidey hole up with a book or a movie and immerse myself in someone else's story instead of mine in order to rejuvenate. It's usually a fluffy movie or book...Lord knows, I have enough reality in my life, I don't need it in my entertainment.

But through the summer my routine falls by the wayside...I flutter here and there, no boundaries....And I love routine, focus, pursuit of what is good.

Autumn is coming home to me....home to family times, home to rountine in work, home to weekly ministry and fruition of plans. It's time to put away the constant movies and books and get back to a really good reality...purposeful and on a path...

I know it's coming, I look forward to it. I am already making plans...but then, I do have a few weeks before it all kicks off...maybe just a few more books....just a few more movies....

A magical time...

Observations from Harry Potter
-No one should name their child Dudley
-Three-headed dogs should have a more manly name than Fluffy
-Regular spiders are creepy; giant talking spiders with a gazillion babies are terrifying
-The only good Basilisk is a blind, dead Basilisk
-Phoenix tears are handy
-Werewolves are really very nice except for a bad day or two once a month, as a woman I can relate to this
-All girls should move with flourish and produce butterflies when they walk like the girls from Beauxbatons
-Robert Pattinson made a better Cedric than an Edward.
- Goblet of Fire was the last fun HP before they all got dark and really creepy
-"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are. " Truth, Sirius, truth.
-Centaurs are effective in the punishment of Pepto Bismol-wearing, kitten-loving nags
-Brooding white-blonde young men should be avoided at all costs
-Sometimes what appears as the greatest evil can be used for the greatest good...good-bye Albus.
-Magic tents are the bomb...seriously...compact and roomy.
-Witch girls named Luna were hippies in another life.
-Wands are finicky and should not be trusted.
-Oh Severus...what a man will do for the love of a woman...and her son by another man, namely her husband.
-Harry looks good at 35.

There has been much said about the Harry Potter books and movies over the years...especially in Christian circles...most of it not very positive. When the books first came out, my kids were 10, 7 & 5 and they were avid readers. There was and always has been talk of limiting exposure (and outright banning) of the books to protect our children from unsafe and evil influences. It has never been my way. I want my children to know strength in their convictions, and to be discerning in their choices. I never could be with them all the time...screening the movies or television they watch, the music they listen to, where they surf the internet, or the books they read. So when the books came out, I read the first three to them and we talked about what was good, what wasn't and whether they were worth their while to read.

We have all read them...the characters are solid, the storyline full bodied and engaging....I am not a fan of fads and immersion into the storylines...idolization basically. I am just talking about entertainment...Harry Potter is a classic story about the struggle between good and evil. There are parallels to Christianity...though Rowling would deny it...I can see truth there. I am not going to base my theology on the books...but I can see the good.

So thanks Harry, for the entertainment...it has been a literary and cinematic era...one we will continue to enjoy from time to time....

On another note, I watched all eight HP films in the space of 46 hours this weekend...this is why I fill my time with other things the majority of the year...my life would be all books and movies other wise...

After the battle...

I feel like I've been in a war zone for the past six months...horrific battles, near misses, direct hits...nothing that has shaken the basic foundation, but there are minute scars everywhere; pinpricks of pain; shrapnel. Some of them are pretty big, not quite healed, but getting there...who am I kidding, most of them are not yet healed.

I am in a period of reflection...like I'm sitting on the dock watching deep dark clouds roll away and taking stock of the damage, wondering if I am still intact...not wanting to move from the chair...I shiver at the thought of the fight, but see through the clouds that the sun is there...none of it was in vain...





I wonder how veterans stand it....the memory of war...it must be the look in the faces of the loved ones around them, and despite the hurt and scars, there is a joy in the surviving...inexplicable...And in looking at the aftermath you can see the small victories....the sweet spots that the enemy didn't touch, that he can never touch. And there is evidence of your presence in the midst of the flurry...a word you spoke, a hug you gave, a tear offered in compassion, a wisdom that was needed...such small offering amidst the devastion of loss...loss of health, loss of relationship, loss of life, loss of hope...but it was something, some small thing and it might have meant something to just one, even only one...and it makes the battle worth it...every minute.

I love the stillnees of the lake water after the storm, the ray of the sun streaming through the cloud, the gentle drip of moisture from the the tree, the fresh crispness of the air....and I revel in that...it all seems so vivid and new and teaming with possibility....

I don't want another battle anytime soon but I'm sure there will be one...but in the meantime, I'm just going to sit in reflection as these storm clouds roll away and enjoy the sweet moments experienced in the midst of it all...while the wounds begin to heal...

It's June

It's June.... Everything culminates in June. I have more wind ups to go to and put on than a grandfather clock. I love it all...I love my job, I love my volunteer work in theatre and with dear young people. I don't need to watch TV, I manage to eat and get sleep and get all the tasks done and love some people up while I am doing it. I am calm and I don't stress. I am passionate about what I do...all of it.



I have periods of rest...where I am not in the midst of doing everything I do. I retreat in my body...I disconnect from the doing....but rarely does my mind stop planning the next thing.




This is my world...my life...not everyone understands it...in fact few do. I am not wasting my life, I am filling it, every moment with people and things I LOVE, absolutely love...I am using it well. I make a difference. I care deeply. I have great purpose. It fills me with great joy. So why the flip do I have to explain myself to every Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane, Jill and June that I do NOT live a frantic half life. Why do people feel the need to put a 'How to Say No' book anonymously in my church mailbox. Seriously?




I get tired. I rest. I am not going to burn out. I am not running myself into the ground. I hate it when I get sick and people shake their heads at me and say, "You should slow down. You're wearing yourself down. It's no wonder you're sick. " People, viruses make you sick, germs make you sick. Doing stuff does not make you sick. I am not worn out. I am busy. I am not stressed. I am efficient.



I will not sit back, not now. I will NOT take it easy, because going hard is better....way better. I live with no regrets. I live knowing I am doing ALL I can. I am not trying to control or take over, I just want to do what I do well...and most of the time I succeed to the benefit of others and to the joy in my heart from knowing that.




That's what I want as my epitaph....She gave her all, all the time, in all she did. I will die with the deep sigh, going on to glory with the satisfaction of knowing I did my best.



So....hey...don't give me grief. Thank you.