Heart's Desire

It's been a rough few weeks...just lots going on, heart hurting stuff....so I took a sidetrip from life on the weekend, to evaluate, to retreat, to re-connect and have a chat with God. It works that way sometimes. Until I shut down and shut off life for a time, I can't hear the Voice I need to.

So I got in my car, cranked the worship tunes and cruised...I began to hear Him a very few minutes after I got in the car. I drove over 200 kms in three hours, stopped a few places, prayed, read the Word, walked, listened. He spoke about my life, and gave me some insight, some wisdom, some peace, some joy and a lot of comfort. But it wasn't without a reminder.

I walked along a river at one point...there was still a lot of snow...but I parked myself on a slightly wet picnic table bench and listened to the water flowing...bubbling and gurgling along. I saw a little bird, an American Dipper, I know now, standing on a rock in the middle of the flowing water, and every now and then it would just dive off it's rock into the water and disappear for a moment and then bob up again, the current dragging it downstream. It would dive a number of times and then flutter and swim and end up on the solid rock again. Then it would trill its pretty song before it began all over again.

Now I can make an analogy out of anything, but being in the contemplative mood I was in, I saw the bird portraying my recent life....diving into life and then bobbing in and out of situations that drag me along with them, feeling tossed around and finding my way back to the Rock again and singing His praises. It brought me to tears, thinking over those crazy situations...and I had a very audible conversation with God...it was in my head but I heard it there clear as day, from my hurting heart...

Terry: You know the desires of my heart?

God: Yes, I do.

Terry: Will I have them?

God: You'll have Me.

Not what I want but what He wants me to want. If He is the desire of my heart, then I will have all I desire. And why would He not be? For He loves me best, He knows best for me, so why would I not choose His desire for my life, over mine?

And so I shall....