I think at the heart of my writing, is my love of the story. I am a storyteller at heart....after almost fifty years of self-examination and reflection, I believe that 'storyteller' is my 'true name'; the truth of who I am. It's why I love people so much and ask so many questions of them. I want to know their stories. It's why I love theatre and drama so much...the slice of life that tells the story of many people through the spoken word. It's why I love to travel...and have adventure; it's my desire to be part of the story. And it's why I write...to communicate the story in a permanent way, for prosperity, to be known.
I want to write a book.
It's such a ballsy thing to say.
I spent a half hour in Chapters today, sipping a frappe, reading a book on my iPhone reader, and I paused for a moment and I looked around...at. all. those. books. All those authors' dreams...passionate, dedicated, and likely not a little obsessed....and I thought to myself how could I even utter the word author and my name in the same breath. It is audacious.
I have written 'books' since I was seven. I would write the story and dialogue, illustrate them and staple bind the pages of looseleaf or yellow legal paper with a construction paper cover. I even created my own library, with cards in the back of each book that had sign out lines for a person's name and a date stamp. (Yes, I had a date stamp) I lent them out to friends. (They may have been coerced into 'borrowing') I've written short stories, poetry, instructional materials, travel/trip blogs, scripts both short and full length plays and blog posts...I write in some manner or form every day...and have for over forty years. But never a book....a novel....a lengthy involved story...plot, character, action.
But I have the bones of it now....come to me as a gift I believe. It's good. A strong story....a series of stories actually. Something I'm passionate about. I'm cautiously excited.....and very, very afraid; to tell anyone, to make the attempt, to make a very personal and costly investment in it. I have investigated, researched...and I have no stars in my eyes and dreams of grandeur. It's a large undertaking and I have no illusions. The odds are against it ever being published. But it's been brewing for six months...I jump in, I pull out. I tell myself it's nuts. And then I'm drawn back in. He's right there....I feel it. Niggling away at me to get at it.
I hear the call of Someone who I know loves me and has plans for me. I've been here before....tentative, unsure, feeling like a crazy person with a totally crazy idea, with people shaking their heads at me(or at least my perception of them doing that)...and feeling exhausted before the work has ever begun because I have an idea of the cost of following. But I know He won't leave me alone...so I guess I am in. It will mean changes in other parts of my life as well. Pretty big ones...ones I am not sure I am ready for. But I've been there before too.
So here I go.....
Psalm 118:13 MSG
I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed and held me.
