I Needed That...

I don't need a lot of positive reinforcement. I want to do good in the world. I take pleasure and reassurance from knowing that God has given me a calling and I am following through with it....

But there are times when one wonders about their effectiveness...if what they do is making a difference in another's life. So even in the midst of knowing I am doing right....I want to know I am doing well.

I got a lot of hugs this week. I didn't think I did anything especially spectacular or hug-worthy, but I had a lot of conversations, and spoke love into situations. And I was rewarded with many hugs and kind words. It was fuel to a waning heart. I am renewed....

Obligation

Obligation: something by which a person is bound or obliged to do certain things which arise out of a sense of duty or promise or contract or law...

I've been pondering this word for the past few days as someone used it with me and I was disturbed by the manner in which it was used. I wondered in what manner and to what I was held to by obligation...and I found there was little. I don't do much out of obligation except likely my job because they pay me a salary. Obligation to me holds behind it a sense of resentment I think, or drudgery.
Most of the things I do in my life, from menial to the truly important and impactful, have nothing to do with obligation and everything to do with love. While even love comes with a certain obligation, the feeling that it is obligation wanes with the power of the love. When I think of how God loves me, and the Creator of the Universe certainly holds no obligation to love me, then why should I hold to that when I act. I love, therefore I act...for love is no feeling, flighty and fanciful, but commitment in perseverance...reliable, bright, resolute and constant. Love bans obligation from all its actions.

Love, love

Sometimes we want so much for someone, we break our own heart before theirs does.

Many things...some new, some not.

I am not sure if going to bed is worth it. Sleep in any amount or form is beneficial to the body.
Getting up at 5am to feed hungry people is worthwhile...until 5pm, when it seems like perhaps it was not a good idea after all.
I wonder how it is that I plan so carefully and yet all things seem to culminate on the same weekend...sunrise breakfast for 25, brunch for eight including important pastor person, training, teaching, selling pizzas, drama rehearsal, playing with junior highs, Sunday dinner for 10 or so, lovely young people...all worthy in themselves as activities, but together...rather tiring. I always feel a good tired at the end of the weekend...
And work on Monday seems a good place to nap while staring at a computer screen.
I feel joy in the doing...at the expense of the effort it takes. An admirable if not exhausting trade off...